I just want an au where the Strilondes work at a motel and like, Dave is the receptionist (“congrats buddy, you just won the room right next to my sister and her lesbian wife who have been getting noise complaints all night”) and Rose cheerfully causes several divorces by going on facebook and telling women that their husbands are cheating on them at [motel adress, room number]. Roxy fills the place with cats. And Dirk is Dirk (+ Lil Cal). It’s a miracle the place wasn’t shut down yet.

morbidoptimisim:

okay, so,  i know i drew trolls but im imagining this as a humanstuck au … 

when everyone gives up on being receptionists, dirk makes his robots the new desk jockeys; and he pretends to be one from time to to time, and scares the shit outta unassuming potential-guests. 

rose keeps tattling on the guests’ proclivities; mostly because she’s hoping for a murder-suicide situation; she writes books and feels she could do with a bit of fresh inspiration. 

roxy’s cats are what really bring in the people, once they become hit on the internet. they all have important jobs. and little hats. there are so many cats. it’s a wonder they have any health rating at all; thankfully their hotel is on a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere so nobody really has a choice to stay anywhere else. 

dave is bored. dirk is bored. rose is bored. kanaya doesnt say much, but dave has watched her during her landscaping duties, carting a chainsaw, looking like she’s going to start mumbling “all work and no play makes a dull blade” anyday now. dave hopes he can tape it, when she breaks. rose could do with the excitement, he thinks. 

dirk doesnt know how long its been now, that they been running the joint. Bro left it to them, when he passed. they grew up in its walls, its dimly lit corridors and dust-overed bar. he wonders if they’re ghosts sometimes, haunting a place that’s stuck somewhere in time, unmoving. mechanically moving through the motions. he kinda likes it tho; its peaceful, and nobody has any expectations of them, all the way out here. 

roxy’s glad that her family is all in one place, really. its a big wide world out there, and from the worn down, defeated, broken-hearted faces that wash up into their halls, roxy wants no part of it. she makes sure they stay in the green & pay their taxes on time; but other then that, she has better things to do, like count her cats and gossip with rose about which of their patrons are likely to do what, or whom. 

kanaya originally stopped by on her way to a jobsite; down on funds after her roommate robbed her and left her stranded, she offered to pay for her room and bored by sprucing up the hotel’s greenery. Rose took quite a liking to her, and somehow, in a way that wasn’t witchcraft no matter how hard dave likes to insist that it was witchcraft, rose convinced her to stay. kanaya feels like the strange family has a talent, for making people ‘stay’.