like, heimdall saw that shit right? odin comes back through the bifrost and heimdall is just “…………….”
heimdall: that’s a baby
odin: yes! he’s my son! ………..loki. i’m going to dress him in green and black, because that worked great last time
or odin comes back and is trying to figure out, how to play it, and heimdall and frigga are just waiting for him and completely deadpan
frigga: ah, husband! you have returned from war in time to meet your newborn son. who i had. after being pregnant. secretly.
odin: what
frigga:
heimdall:
loki: *baby noises*
odin: right
honestly, i just need heimdall going up to frigga like “you won’t believe what your husband just did”
odin: he’s a replacement for the child I had to lock away in the shadow realm.
heimdall:
odin: I’ll do better by this one. I know I will.
heimdall:
heimdall: You mean Frigga will.
Odin: Please can we keep it? It’s cute and changes colours and smiles at my empty eye socket. I promise I’ll take care of it I’ll feed it every week and I’ll dress it in green and black and I’ll teach it to throw knives and it will be great!
Heimdall: Frigga, he stole a baby. Say something.
THIS IS THE BEST THING
I like to imagine Frigga visiting Heimdall and they have tea and gossip about how much a mess Odin is.
Hiemdall: *plopping into Friggas parlour and already reaching for the cup Frigga is passing him* Lemme tell you what wild shit your sons are doing in Alfhiem
Hiemdall rollerblading into the throne room this week with sunglasses and a piña coloda: Your Majesty, you’re not going to fucking believe this stuff your son brought back from Midgard.
Frigga, iceskating down the bifrost with three bottles of tequila wearing a mini cape from a midgardian children’s dracula costume: Heimdall, my good bitch, I have news.
btw what I loved about valkyrie’s plot in Ragnarok is that it was such a male plot usually? she rolls up drunk, shoots up a bunch of people, owns thor, sells him, then we realise she is drowning her sorrows and is actually a fallen hero, and she then gets a redemption ark???? is that not every male outlaw with a heart of gold???
Thor took groot as an elective which means growing up he was the rare combination of nerd and jock and idk why people are surprised i mean the boy talks astrophysics wirh bruce 7 phd’s banner like its nothing and when he drops down to earth which clique does he immediately join? Not shield!! Not the avengers!! Some podunk star scientists out in the middle of nowhere on an extended camping trip like!! Whilst loki was painting his nails to match his cufflinks, thor was studying foreign languages as he benchpressed heimdall. Thor isnt your garden variety jock he’s a bookworm jock, easily found stargazing or doodling in his moleskin journal
Loki: Why you would want to talk to sentient trees? Thor: Why wouldn’t you? They are sentient trees!!
Loki on the internet, though. Loki would create multiple socks just to have sock wars. Loki would write fic and then use another identity to plagiarize that fic and then use yet another identity to expose the plagiarism just for the fun of watching the shitstorm go down. Loki, in his various identities, would be the number one source of drama in any group he chose to join.
Oh, and his husband? A horse.
(If you get that particular reference, we can be Fandom Olds together.)
marvel should make a mockumentary about loki as odin and the behind the scenes drama that went on while loki was trying to produce and direct his play. i wanna see tantrums about sets, actors, and interviews with asgardians who are just like “ya we know it’s loki but at least he’s not trying to kill anyone, so we just let him do what he wants”
and ideally combine it with that one headcanon that loki straight up kidnapped the actual matt damon
Cheloneuniverse 