update: prim and proper kanaya who has her shit together is FAKE.
where’s kanaya “Fuck Oh Fuck I Just Dropped Our Dinner And Now Im Going To Not Clean It Up And Cry In The Middle Of The Kitchen Floor Rocking Back And Forth In A Vaguely Fetal Position Also Can You Order Pizza” maryam?? where is she?? trick question she’s in our hearts
some headcanons on appearance or w/e featuring my favorite troll “family” (emphasis on they’re all slightly modified versions of the same model and not as much as family as near clones)
the “trolls lay eggs and briefly raise their young before releasing their toddler sized children out into the fucking wild with no qualms whatsoever” au is my favorite and also its horrible
kanaya maryam, watching several of her progeny stumble into the woods with little baby steps: Farewell Infants May You Find Competent Custodians
the fact that the maryams have arcs centered around motherhood, femininity, subverting said tropes, purity/chastity and sexual violence & infertility is kind of wild, yknow
kanaya maryam, somehow wedged into the crawlspace of her home, surrounded by empty bags of chips and looking more smug than usual: Hehe Hibernation Bitch
kanaya convinces jade to take her to a planet close to a dying sun and just basks in the rays for a few hours and gets like. the universes most unnoticeable tan.
kanaya is just a fucking lesbian space crocodile and she does dumb shit 24/7 and probably eats rocks anyway i love her and she’s my favorite troll
(( Kanaya, and other trolls possibly idk, could totally swallow rocks to help grind up food. maybe they’re physically carnivores, but eating plant matter requires that stuff to be ground up in the gut with rocks? the more you know
rose lalonde, looking at a cupcake belonging to her wife: Hey, where did you get those sprinkles? Did you actually go grocery shopping or…?
kanaya maryam, deepthroating a bloody steak: Oh I Got Those From The Garden
rose: ????
kanaya: Theyre Pebbles
rose: ????????
kanaya: Weve Been Married For Years And You Consider Yourself A Xenobiology Enthusiast And Yet You Didnt Know That I Need To Eat Rocks To Aid Digestion ?
Cheloneuniverse 