when it comes down to it i really don’t blame gamzee’s friends (and future murder victims!) for ignoring him pre SGRUB bc the most irl equivalent of his behavior is “jehovah’s witness who can’t stop talking about his religious fixation, despite the fact that it’s known that his cult is super fucking weird and also terrible”. like…imagine it. you’re in your hive and your lusus is out getting dinner, and you get a knock at your door. it’s gamzee. he’s here to tell you about The Lord. you politely decline and say that you’re troll jewish. he continues with even more gusto about heresy and how to let the mirthful messiahs into your bloodpusher. you close the door and he’s still there, waiting, some pamphlets about teen depression and how the real cure is the MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS.
the “trolls lay eggs and briefly raise their young before releasing their toddler sized children out into the fucking wild with no qualms whatsoever” au is my favorite and also its horrible
kanaya maryam, watching several of her progeny stumble into the woods with little baby steps: Farewell Infants May You Find Competent Custodians
do u ever just think about momlonde knowing that her destruction was inevitable and wishing she could provide for her daughter emotionally but being Too Damn Depressed to do anything but fuck shit up and get really Fucking Sad
cmon i think we can all admit that mom lalonde went into science specifically to prolong the lives of cats and then accidentally became an astronomer/geneticist. follow your dreams, kids.
@hypeswap YEAH!!! i’m solidly in the “the little girls bedroom set belonged to a pre-rose baby” camp bc i really like projecting my own trauma on characters but like. yknow
god i’m just excited to see babysitter lalonde kick ass or w/e in hauntswitch. i believe in her
idk what’s worse but here are two awful and plausible scenarios. like comment subscribe
1) “mom lalonde actually thinking that she was a good parent and being an oblivious neglectful mother”
2) “mom lalonde was entirely aware of her actions, premeditated her descent into alcoholism, and did so because she knew that sburb would result in her death and didn’t want rose to grow attached despite the fact that she very much wanted to raise a living child without pain and suffering”
so i have this really self indulgent “no sburb and everything is okay, also its humanstuck(?)” au where mom & dad meet at a single parent meet up, hit it off, eventually get married and also mom goes to rehab etc etc but most importantly john and rose become step siblings and eventually gay sibling solidarity. but the first meeting goes something like this
trolls asking “what’s ur hemotype?” is such a funny concept to me. “hey u haven’t blushed yet or secreted any bodily fluids and none of your clothes are indicative of your status or those of your quadrants, so like…where do u fall on our oppressive biology based caste system?” absolutely wild
i mean sure w/ trollian these kids PROBABLY have solid ideas of who’s who, but i need y’all to consider like, a goldblood catfishing people pretending to be an indigo. “yeah? send some boondollars to my account and then we can meet chitinous nub to chitinous nub, big boy ;)” types a particularly bored beekeeper. they receive 2000 boons from the seadweller who thinks they’re getting a kismesis. the gold immediately blocks their IP address, deletes their account, and blows up their computer. a perfect crime.
idk what’s more appealing to me, trolls that LOOK super alien (insectoid, face pinchers, antenna and vestigial arms on their chests), or trolls that are basically gray humans that are completely sociologically different in every way shape and form. the first one is like, more biologically plausible given what we know about troll reproduction alone (they’re bugs! they reproduce through an ‘incestuous slurry’ and don’t have families as much as random near clones [descendants/ancestors]), but the second one is just funny as hell bc…cultural discrepancies among aliens & humans is like, my bread & butter for fanfic
listen…if ur fat, if u have scars, if you haven’t shaved in three months, if ur a lizard alien bird, if u have stretch marks, etc–it doesn’t matter. u deserve to wear a bikini and rock ur shit at the beach. ur beautiful, babey. own it.
Cheloneuniverse 