What if instead of gilly weed Harry had showed up to the black lake challenge in muggle scuba gear like “like where’s your advanced magic now bitches? Got me a free fishing knife with this thing”
Honestly I just want an AU where Harry approached all his magical problems with muggle solutions. Nobody knows how to handle it because he’s supposed to be there learning magic but you know what, it fucking works.
Give me Harry Potter who is like fucking MacGuyver up in this shit, creating his own non-magical solutions to magical problems.
“Potter how did you get past the enchanted keys to the Sorcerer’s Stone?”
“I used a fucking net.”
“How did you get past the dragon?”
Harry shines a little red light on the wall “works on cats, why not a dragon”
“How did you get through the hedge maze?”
“Weed-b-gone, it’s like a pound. Nothing will ever grow there again”
Harry Potter AU where someone sees Harry in his cousin’s over-sized clothing with his underfed body and hears him casually mention the cupboard in which he sleeps and calls the fucking police
This. Look, even accepting the awfulness that is Hogwarts and how they deal with abused students, he spent SEVEN YEARS at primary school.
How the ever lasting fuck were Child Protection forms being filled in EVERY DAMN DAY? How was this NEVER picked up on?
(Also, IDK much about in-family adoption- but SURELY someone would have been involved to SOME degree from social services? SURELY?)
Creepy thought – what if people did, but Dumbledore regularly derailed their attempts because ~destiny~ and ~plans~?
Hey!
As a formerly abused child, a person who has worked in child protection and someone who is married to a primary school teacher, I feel entirely confident in saying that Dumbledore didn’t need to intervene to stop Harry’s abuse and neglect being reported.
For starters, as I’ve written before, the time during which Harry was at primary school was a particularly hard economic time for a lot of families in the UK. Wearing ill-fitting hand-me-down school uniform and repaired glasses was neither particularly unusual at the time nor is it necessarily a meaningful sign of child abuse or neglect. A much more potent sign of neglect would be dirty or smelly clothes; which we all know Aunt Petunia would never allow.
Arguably, the contrast to what Dudley was wearing could have given teachers pause – but again, this is not necessarily a sign of neglect or abuse – getting large sizes of clothing is more difficult, especially second hand, and it is not uncommon for the eldest child to have new clothes while the younger has hand-me-downs (as many people with older siblings will be able to tell you!)
Being slender, again, is not a sign of abuse. Especially as slenderness is clearly genetic for Harry (his father was skinny, as was his aunt; he never gained weight, even when given almost unlimited access to food at Hogwarts) and people who are smaller-framed tend to look LESS underfed, as there is less weight ‘missing’. In fact, to the casual observer, Harry has his Uncle Vernon’s dark hair and his Aunt Petunia’s slender frame, while Dudley has the opposite combination. So it’s not obvious from first glance that Harry is an abused, neglected chid.
Harry says that he had not a single friend in primary school, so it’s unlikely that a teacher would overhear him talking about his cupboard – especially as Harry would be unlikely to mention this as it betrays his low standing in the Dursley household and will likely lead to more bullying. Moreover, as I’ve pointed out before, classes in the UK have an extremely large ratio of children to adults, and this was particularly bad in the nineties (when Harry and I went to primary school) as this was before the wide acceptance of teaching assistants – meaning that Harry probably never spoke to a teacher other than to say ‘I’ve finished my sums’ or ‘how do you spell ‘because’?’
Given that there is no compulsory training for teachers on looked after children (children who are fostered or living with friends or relatives) or on the signs and symptoms of child abuse, it it extremely unlikely that Harry’s neglect and abuse at the hands of the Dursley’s would be noticed by a teacher.
Moreover, we’re shown that the Dursley’s consistently lie about Harry’s misbehaviour, characterising him as unbalanced, disruptive and a liar. As the Dursley’s appear authoritative and middle-class, it probably never occurred to the teachers to question this. Moreover, as abuse is largely considered as a working-class problem, the Dursley’s wealth and well-spoken-ness is likely to have lent to the the middle-class teachers reluctance to consider that they could be abusive or neglectful. In the scenario when Harry found himself on the school roof, we’re shown that the school does not act particularly charitably towards Harry or listen to what he says, so it is likely that his middle-class teachers believe the middle-class Dursley’s narrative of Harry as a working-class problem child, and even probably feel sympathy with them.
Please bear in mind that there were dozens of scandals across the UK in the eighties and nineties concerning the social services abusing childre in a variety of ways – from bureaucratic violence, to physical and emotional torture – not to mention the enormous disorganisation which resulted in children being taken from loving parents wrongly, children being left with abusive parents when paperwork had been processed to remove them and countless incidents of children ‘slipping through the cracks’ and being lost, ignored or left stranded. [A documentary about it here]
Given this, it is extremely unlikely that any teachers would report the Dursley’s for child abuse and neglect [PSA, in the UK, the best people to call to report suspected child abuse/neglect are the NSPCC, not the police unless the situation is urgent and certain enough for a 999 call], even if they thought it was happening out of fear that it would result in Harry being put into a violent and abusive foster home. But assuming that someone DID report the Dursley’s for child abuse or neglect, despite the many reasons why they would and should not, the next thing that would happen would be a (scheduled) visit to the Dursley’s house by a social worker.
So assuming that a social worker – in the best possible scenario, a nice person who wants to help, with an enormous case load – comes to see the Dursley’s at home with a weeks notice. The Dursley’s home is extremely clean, Harry is warned to be on his best behaviour, is wearing clean clothes, bears no bruises or signs of physical violence. The Dursley’s say Harry is lying about sleeping in the cupboard under the stairs – jealous that Dudley has a bigger bedroom. Or that he talks loudly in his sleep and disturbs Dudley. Or is prone to violent outbursts, and so is best kept away from everyone else. Assuming that the Dursley’s are asked about Harry’s clothes at all, they say that he tears or destroys his own clothes, so they cannot buy him new ones. That he eats a lot but is always hungry and skinny (true enough about many small boys to be believable, and a common lie by abusive caregivers who are denying their victims food).
Again, the Dursley’s middle-classness is in their favour, and they would be believed by a middle-class social worker, probably without question. The story the Dursley’s tell about taking in their nephew after his jobless parents died in a car crash garners them sympathy. There’s nothing to suggest that Harry is being abused. There is very little evidence to suggest he is being neglected – his clothes are clean and there is food in the fridge.
Nowadays, the social worker would almost certainly chat to Harry alone for at least a few minutes. This was not necessarily the case in the nineties. Even if the social worker does chat to Harry, ‘it just happened’ and ‘I don’t know how I got up there’ seems like lying, which they have been told Harry does a lot.
Even if the social worker does believe Harry (extremely unlikely) that the Dursleys are cruel to him, there is little they can do as the legal definitions of abuse and neglect list only physical and material things. Making it clear that you don’t love a child (i.e. emotional abuse), despite being enormously damaging, is not illegal.
There is no reason to think that Harry has been adopted by the Dursley’s (especially as they are referred to as his ‘Guardians’ in PoA). Harry is merely fostered. Even now, to foster a child who is related to you requires almost no legal checks or surveys, unless the child is being removed from an abusive home by the social services. Many children live with their grandparents or aunts or uncles without their parents necessarily losing any parental rights (guardians automatically acquire legal rights to make decisions such as permission for school trips, etc), and at the time when Harry came to be living with the Dursley’s, these were even fewer.
This is the reality of social work in the UK, both now and then. The Dursley’s treatment of Harry would not meet the legal minimum requirements of abuse or neglect. Harry would not have been removed from their home – and if he had been, he likely would have faced far worse violence (both bureaucratic and physical) in a reform school or group home than he did at the Dursley’s (not to mention losing the blood protection of living with his mothers’ kin.)
Dumbledore didn’t need to intervene to stop Harry from being removed from the Dursley’s abuse: the system did that well enough.
The boy has never had anything nice and the second he gets his hands on some money he tries to buy a fucking solid gold cauldron like started from the bottom now we here I love him so much
Honestly Hagrid saved Harry from so much embarrassment. Can you imagine him turning up to his first potions lesson with a fucking solid gold cauldron??? Like Snape already hated Harry think about what he would have said if Harry just plonked that on his desk
I think he would have said fuck it to his promise to dumbledore and murdered Harry on the spot
AGAIN WITH THE SOLID GOLD POSSESSIONS HARRY. I’m surprised he never replaced his glasses with solid gold ones the boy clearly has a taste for the finer things in life. Or when he had his bones removed by Lockhart in second year, he probably had to stop himself from asking Pomfrey to just fill his arm up with gold instead of bones.
NO WONDER HE CAN SEE THE FUCKIN SNITCH SO WELL HE’S ON THE HUNT FOR GOLD
AU where Minerva McGonagall has a little less faith in Albus Dumbledore so she does agree to leave Harry at the Dursleys.
But then proceeds to move right in next door with her wife because Albus never said that she couldn’t.
So Harry grows up with two grandmalike aunties next door, who basically finnagle him into living with them in all but name. It’s great, until he gets to Hogwarts because he keeps accidentally calling McGonagall Aunt Min instead of Professor.
The more I think about this the better it gets because suddenly a small biracial orphan appearing on the Dursley’s doorstep is less scandalous and gossip worthy in the
pasty ass white suburbia of Privet Drive, when it’s compared to the elderly lesbian interracial couple who moved in next door.
Her wife is probably a retired secret agent because of course they’ll be battle lesbians
Chapter 1: Harry Potter Sleeps In An Actual Comfortable Bed In The Other Bedroom And Not In The Cupboard Under The Stairs Because The Dursleys Do Not Want To Be Skewered On Knitting Needles By Sweet Old Sitalaxmi and Minerva From Next Door
AU where Minerva McGonagall has a little less faith in Albus Dumbledore so she does agree to leave Harry at the Dursleys.
But then proceeds to move right in next door with her wife because Albus never said that she couldn’t.
So Harry grows up with two grandmalike aunties next door, who basically finnagle him into living with them in all but name. It’s great, until he gets to Hogwarts because he keeps accidentally calling McGonagall Aunt Min instead of Professor.
The more I think about this the better it gets because suddenly a small biracial orphan appearing on the Dursley’s doorstep is less scandalous and gossip worthy in the
pasty ass white suburbia of Privet Drive, when it’s compared to the elderly lesbian interracial couple who moved in next door.
Okay this has an amazing amount of potential for Harry, but I am very filled with curiosity about Minerva’s wife.
1) Who is she? and more importantly
2) How did this marriage come to pass?
I mean I am all for Minerva McGonagall having had a wife already at this juncture in her life, but consider
1) Utter BAMF who is acknowledged to be out of everyone’s league Minerva McGonagall walking into a Ministry break room full of lady Aurors and the like and saying, “I have a child that needs looking after and a neighborhood full of prats who need scandalizing and will marry the first woman to say yes” and there is a moment’s shock and then the verbal equivalent of half a dozen bridesmaids diving for the bouquet with one clear winner who was a split second faster on the uptake and they end up in love by the time Harry is old enough to toddle properly.
2) The house next door is being sold by the daughter of its occupant who just inherited it and wants nothing to do with Little Whinging except to inflict herself on all the narrow-minded bastards long enough to get a good price for it; when Minerva walks in the door there is a mental adjustment that leaves her swooning (or maybe that’s Minerva) and after tea, dinner, and certain other activities she invites Minerva to live with her instead of selling it.
3) Minerva specifically tracks down the schoolmate she knows to be best at making stupid people regret everything, and asks her to pretend to be her wife, share a house in Little Whinging with her, and help keep an eye on Harry Potter. Both of them solidly overestimated their ability to keep the relationship fake.
So Harry’s in the crystal cave with Dumbledore right? And Dumbledore just sent out a wave of fire to destroy the Inferi. Only Harry still sees a body crawling out of the water. And it doesn’t look like an Inferi. In fact, it looks like a boy. Maybe a year or two older than him.
And the boy coughs and splutters before looking up.
And his face melts with relief and he cries,
“James! Thank you! I know, I know, you’re going to yell at me. Save it for Sirius. Where is he? I thought he’d be the one to bring me out? Ingenius, isn’t it? The lake, I mean. The Dar-Voldemort put a spell on the entire body of water. It traps and preserves anything that enters it. The boat. The Inferi. And me, I suppose. It keeps us from decaying. It keeps us from escaping. Only way out is if someone summons us. Honestly, thank you. Hey, why are you staring at me like that? It’s okay, really. I’m fine. Knock it off, mate. You’re scaring me. Look, is Kreacher still here? He has the real horcrux. I told him to – is that Dumbledore? Why would you bring Dumbledore? I thought you and Sirius hated him? Where is my brother anyway? What – what’s wrong? Why do you look so s – James – James, what on earth happened to your forehead?”