fic I need but refuse to write, #226: Boris’s first year on Castle Wulfenbach, centered mostly on the dawning horrified realization that nobody up here, including – nay, particularly – the Baron himself, has any clue what they’re doing.
highlights:
Boris vs. the scheduling system, which doesn’t actually exist (Klaus keeps it in his head)
Boris vs. the filing system, which DOES exist – in five different languages at once, and no record of who has what papers at any given time
Boris vs. jägers, in general
Boris vs. the unexpected lack of discrimination against constructs
Boris vs. the fact that the Baron? doesn’t seem to sleep? ever??
the rapid realization of the rest of the crew that Boris is less nervous than they are to interrupt the Baron at any given task, so suddenly that’s his job, too
including in the middle of the night
the Baron might not be asleep but Boris was
the Baron isn’t even in his bedroom? where is he? are there secret tunnels in this place?
good lord there are secret tunnels. how are there secret tunnels on an airship.
Klaus is Mildly Pissed to run into him in a secret tunnel. Boris is daunted, until he reminds himself that he refuses to be daunted by sparks anymore.
Klaus noticing at some point that his days have become much more efficient recently, somehow
though there does seem to be more paperwor
Boris decides that the best way to do his job is obviously to know where the Baron is at any given time. This is eased by Boris taking over the scheduling, but it’s still not…the Baron keeps running off places and doing things himself. godsakes, doesn’t he know Boris is trying to run an Empire here?
and sometimes, seriously, Boris just cannot find him. There must be secret laboratories.
for maximum effect, the Records Vault Incident happens about here
and the first time the Baron is briefly wounded/unconscious, so for like one full hour, people are looking to Boris for orders. because they’ve gotten used to it? somehow? He has so little idea what he’s doing, oh god. Except, everything’s so urgent that he barely even notices to be terrified until it’s over.
more climactic, however, is Boris deciding it really isn’t his job to question certain things, but by god there’s half a continent to manage here, so this schedule is going to be efficient if he has to write in two hours between 10pm and midnight for the Baron to do…whatever. At least it’ll be planned.
and then everyone, Boris and the Baron included, will get six consecutive hours of sleep.
Klaus is a little taken aback when Boris all but shoves a meticulously typed, three-page schedule into his face and firmly explains all this.
he’s also surprised (impressed, a little amused) at his secretary’s priorities.
about a week later, Boris is up late writing letters, and a secret door in his office which he didn’t know was there opens, and the Baron walks in with an eight-year-old in tow. And is just like, “This is Gil. He’s my son. He got caught spying on one of the labs today, so for punishment, he’s going to sort through those Pruskia reports you were complaining about. Feel free to teach him the filing system, but don’t let him be seen.”
and just. leaves. Gil in shabby hand-me-downs looking around with way too much curiosity and excitement for this to really count as “punishment”, and Boris hovering somewhere between you’ve got to be kidding me and this explains a lot, and oh wow that’s a lot of trust and responsibility I’ve just been not-quite-casually handed
Are these two seriously having a “my boyfriend candidate is better than your” argument in the middle of the Castle of Crazies, because I can’t think of a better use of our time.
listen…..i want in-universe girl genius Discourse™, set in the gg version of our time period, about how All Your Historical Faves were Problematic. p l e a s e.
I’m sort of picturing something like this:
did-you-kno:
DID YOU KNO In the 19th century, Agatha Heterodyne took down the First Wulfenbach Empire with a coffee engine?
i-left-my-heart-in-ada-kaleh:
lmao is this actually true, history side of tumblr pls confirm
thinkodancer:
Only technically. Agatha Heterodyne was a catalyst for the instability which characterized the transition from First Wulfenbach Empire to the Second Wulfenbach Empire, but you have to remember that her appearance in Mechanicsburg was mostly a pretext which a lot of the Fifty Families latched onto in order to rebel against a rule they saw as illegitimate. Baron Klaus was largely unpopular with the aristocracy, and even somewhat unpopular with common people, despite how many people nowadays seem to think the First Wulfenbach Empire was a utopia and the sun shone out of Baron Klaus’ ass.
So it’s debatable if Lady Heterodyne actually ‘took down’ the Empire. Arguably, the First and Second Wulfenbach Empires were the same political entity and only the ruler changed, but a lot of historians don’t see it that way (or at least, don’t talk about it that way) because of all the geopolitical changes between Baron Klaus and Baron Gilgamesh’s rule. It would also be unfair to describe Baron Gilgamesh’s empire as somehow lesser version of his father’s empire.
dingadoodledoo:
Ok but how does a coffee engine fit into this
thinkodancer:
It doesn’t, that’s just a story they tell to dumb tourists in Mechanicsburg.
notachurchdoor:
bullshit. I’m from Mechanicsburg, and the coffee engine story is 100% true. my great-great-great-great-great-great-uncle Mikli is a Jaeger and he confirms
loreleileilei:
Oh my GOD, the Jaegers weren’t even allowed into Mechanicsburg until a few days after the fighting had already started?? How can you not know this if you’re really from Mechanicsburg??
notachurchdoor:
come up to Mehcanicsburg and call uncle Mikli a liar to his face 🙂
do it 🙂 🙂 🙂
balanstoothgap:
I went to Mechanicsburg last summer and I even had the Castle Heterodyne tour. I can’t confirm or deny the coffee engine story, but I can only say that based on what I’ve seen, not only could it be true, but I seriously hope it is.
Also I hope I don’t have to actually say this for anyone, but DO NOT go to Mechanisburg and call her uncle Mikli a liar to his face.
Okay shut up loreleileilei everyone knows the jaeger were bending the barrons law all the time and if the jaeger waited till a few days after the fighting started (as if) theyed of missed the time stop and not of been loked in
imma gonna need sources on that dude. S O U R C E S. and not wikipedia, either, you /know/ the jaegers are always fucking with their page.
well there’s
Secretary to the Empire, TPU Press. “This Was Not Supposed To Be My Job”: The Collected Notes of Boris Dolokov, Stormlight Publishing. chapter 13 which has a whole section on the jaegers various method of using technicality in their favor and while it mostly deals with the dispatched jaeger maintaining the Jägertroth there a part there on disagreements with how far down property especially heterodyne goes
there’s
Memoirs of a King, Vol.3, King Tarvek Sturmvoraus. Pressoir d’Élyseé, has both accounts of how short the battle was (it didnt even last a “few days” it was over in less then a 24-48 hour period depending on what your counting as the start and the end) and of jaeger both during the battle and being pulled out with Tarvek Sturmvoraus 2 years later.
and finally the official Mechanicsburg destination guide and coupon book 19[x]8 edition Castle Press, Mechanicsburg Publishing Group. and the official black market edition Mechanicsburg destination guide and coupon book 19[x]3 edition Castle Press, totally not Mechanicsburg Publishing Group. both explicitly state
Mamma Gkikas invaluable aid in quick jaeger delivery to the surface during the battle of mechanicsburg and previous editions sarcastically implied it for many years. also if your not comfortable with jaegers theres plenty of townsfolk from back than still kicking around in the crypts you could ask
also Seneschal by Vanamonde von Mekkhan has a first hand account of the coffee engine and its effects on the townsfolk’s trust in the hetrodyne which while important probably wasn’t a key piece of the destruction of the empire
PURPOSE IS THAT WHAT THERE CALLING HAVING SHITY HARMONIC RESISTANCE NOW
⚙ I BET YOUR KNEES QUAKE ANYTIME ANYONE WITH EVEN A JOULE OF SPARK SNEEZES BY YOU
⚙
oh are you seriously going there
mistress maya and i have a wonderful working relationship built on mutual respect, and like hell i’d tie myself to any two-bit spark that walked by! i have STANDARDS! that’s why i picked mistress maya to begin with!!
WHAT I DO WITH MY PERSONAL LIFE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH “””””SHITTY HARMONIC RESISTANCE””””””” AND YOU’RE BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE OKAY
Cheloneuniverse 