@luna-prime replied to your post “i Love royriza but it’d be nice if more fic authors for that ship…”
I like that the author did though. I almost wished that at the end of the series one of them retired (Mustang?) so they could step into a civilian role and it would be less taboo. But I think staying in for both of them just fit.
yeah……their relationship was handled very well within canon and i really wouldn’t want it any other way tbh. assuming the government ever gets de-militarized within their lifetimes and roy ends up like prime minister or something i can see them finally getting together lmao but as long as there’s work to be done both of them would prioritize that over any relationship?
Tag: Fullmetal Alchemist
i Love royriza but it’d be nice if more fic authors for that ship realized that. anti-fraternization regulations exist for a reason. for a very good reason. a VERY GOOD reason.
live action ed has little zippers on his sleeves which he would totally fiddle with while sitting in boring meetings with a certain superior, irritating certain superior to no end with the quiet zip zip zip
PUSHING BUTTONS
ZIP, ZIP, ZIP.
“And in the Southern Region, there were some reports of…”
ZIP, ZIP, ZIP.
“…intermittent border disputes…”
ZIP, ZIP, ZIP.
“…and…” Growing annoyed, he cannot finish his sentence. “Fullmetal? Are you listening to the briefing?”
“What? I’m sitting here with my ears open watching your stupid mouth move!” The youth on the sofa retorts leaving a grin spreading across his face.
Mustang stares the boy down then continues. “There are no reports of casualties, but the Fuhrer has requested more border patrols…”
ZIP, ZIP, ZIP.
“God damnit!” A vein pops up on the Colonel’s temple as he glares at his youngest subordinate. Havoc fails to stifle a chuckle. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Calm down, old man. I’m listening to you, I swear!”
Mustang answers with a growl and this time Hawkeye sighs.
“…As I was saying…”
ZIP, ZIP, ZIP.
“That’s it!” Roy lunges over the desk as Edward cackles loudly. The only thing keeping him from lighting the boy on fire are the firm hands of his lieutenant, holding him back.
“Brother!” Alphonse giggles but still reprimands his older sibling.
“What? What did I do?” Edward feigns innocence as he giggles in turn with his brother.
“Second Lieutenant Havoc!” Riza has a strong lock on the Colonel’s shoulders as he rants profanities. “Please remove Edward’s coat and hang it up.”
“Yes, sir!” The tall soldier turns to the young man, now sprawled nearly upside down on the sofa. “Hand it over, Cheif.” He extends his right hand.
“Aw…no fun.” Ed removes his heavy red coat slowly on purpose and the Second Lieutenant sighs then hangs the garment on the coat rack by the door.
Regaining his composure, their leader straightens up his jacket and takes a deep breath. “…we were not asked to send in reinforcements at this time, but I can’t guarantee that won’t be needed…”
ZIP. ZIP. ZIP.
“That’s it! I’m burning off all his clothes!” He made ready to snap.
“Sir!” Hawkeye didn’t know if she could restrain him further.
“What? What did I do?” Ed all but bats his eyelashes.
“Hand ‘em over, Chief.” Havoc once again stands in front of their youngest team mate and again, his open palm demands something.
“Awww.” Edward rolls his eyes.
“Your boots, hand ‘em over.”
The next day…
“…and in the Northern Region, we have reports from Fort Briggs of another attempt to…” A muffled growl interrupts Colonel Mustang’s daily briefing. He sighs and knows the source of the sound comes from Fullmetal. “Edward? Do you have anything to contribute?”
“Go to hell!” Edward, clad only in his skivvies, crosses his arms and sits back in the sofa with a huff.
“…as I was saying…” Mustang triumphantly continues his briefing in peace, for now.
fuckin 12 year old state alchemist what the actual fuck. i watched a 12 year old repeatedly slam his head against a wall at an amusement park because he thought it made a funny sound how the fuck is edward elric even a real human being
he lost two of his limbs and he met god
Hey yall I had a fuckin thought
So, as it’s roughly explained, the state alchemist program is a kind of “recruit potential human sacrifices” mechanism, with a side-order of “brute strength for the army”. But basically, the state alchemist title is mostly about being a researcher–given people like Shou Tucker exist, and given that the only requirement to stay a state alchemist is to submit a yearly report of your research that says “look I’m still being a useful scientist”.
So far, so far this is sensible, yeah? Father and the delightful children from down the lane are running a recruitment program for potential human sacrifices. So sure–butter them up! Give them lots of money, get them buddy-buddy with the government, and give them endless resources for research. It’s be pretty easy to trick a state alchemist in that position to open the portal if Sugar
DaddyBradley is nudging them to do it.And I’m still willing to go with this logic for the whole “draft the state alchemists into war” move. They make it pretty clear that was something of a last-ditch effort. And the blood transmutation circle around Amestris was an absolute necessity for Father’s plan. So the risk of a few state alchemists dying or resigning from your Potential Sacrifice Pool is worth it for the completion of the circle.
Now. To get to my fucking thought.
Edward fucking Elric. This fucking fight-me 12 year old troglodyte shows up to the exam and performs circle-less transmutation in front of mother fucking Bradley, demonstrating to one of the seven Actual Fucking Homunculi that he’d already opened the portal. Ed was literally prepped as a human sacrifice before he showed up to Central. A fully set human sacrifice showed up at the homunculi’s door, said “hey look what I can do!”, proved he’d opened the mother fucking portal already, and said “hey yeah hire me”. Human sacrifice, free shipping, no assembly required, handcuffs not included!
They could have just tossed Ed into a shoebox and kept him there until the Promised Day. They wouldn’t even need to make up an excuse he attacked the f u c k i n g president. That’s fucking treason babey. He’s 12, he’s an orphan, he’s from a rural town in buttfuck nowhere, he’s literally the easiest person alive to disappear. They could have arrested him for assassination crimes, kept him in gay baby jail, and just popped him out for the Promised Day
What do they do instead?! “Oh lmao this kid’s great. Let’s give him infinite money, no supervision, no governmental responsibilities, access to all our secret resources, and toss him on a train to who-the-fuck-knows-where-land”
They fucking did that
And like? They then had the audacity to be concerned when Edward “Fight Me” Elric almost got himself killed about 293 times. Just an endless game of “I thought u were watching him” from one homunculus to another when Ed fucking absconds half-way across the globe to go entice some other hostile entity into murdering him to death. That’s the whole series. Every arc is Ed baiting death while the homunculi are in the background like “:/ wish he wouldn’t do that”
This only gets worse when you consider they later learned Al opened the portal too because really?? These two stab-happy globe-trotting public menaces are 40% of your final evil plan for godhood. 40%. Almost half. You couldn’t fucking set aside a cardboard box to keep these idiots in?
We all knew Father was terrible at planning when we learned his thousands-of-years-in-the-making-plan involved him procrastinating until the last five minutes to get his last sacrifice, while he was?? playing chess in his fucking basement, I guess. But it’s like every time I think about it like really think about it I find 7 more reasons Father was a fucking shit idiot moron, king of the stupid fucking idiot club, flesh and blood founder of seven other established dumbasses, all living in their idiot hovel under central, just giving random dumbass 12 year olds infinite money, j u s t b e c a u s e.
People in the replies trying to explain Father’s actions fall into one of three categories
- Father didn’t baby-gate Ed because humans are like ants to him and he had no concept of how thoroughly Ed and co. could fuck his shit up
- Father and the Hot Topic Brigade didn’t lock Ed up because they recognized the unbridled chaotic 12-year-old energy compressed into such a small vessel and they understood no jail cell on earth would reliably hold this thing
- Father and his sin-sonas didn’t put Ed in a box because locking Ed away in their lair would mean dealing with Edward Elric day-in and day-out in their own home for the next four years and frankly even godhood isn’t worth certain flavors of hell.
Classic situation.
There is very short story behind this one.
i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaney’s “horse loose in the hospital” bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HE’S NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WE’VE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the child,
and then, 5 miles under the capital city, an evil homunculus was like, “I have a huge transmutation circle and I’m going to kill everyone to become god!” And before we could say
anything, the child was like, “If you even fucking look at Amestris,
I will punch you to death with my fists. I dare you to do it. I want
you to do it. I want you to do it so I can take my unresolved daddy issues out on you, I’m
so fucking crazy.”
i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaney’s “horse loose in the hospital” bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HE’S NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WE’VE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
The scariest days are when you don’t hear from the child AT ALL
i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaney’s “horse loose in the hospital” bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HE’S NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WE’VE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
Partial list of people Edward Elric attacked, roughly in order: Religious cult leader, owner of a mine town, a secret government research facility, leader of a petty street gang who happened to be an “invincible” homonoculus, a serial killer hunting state alchemists, minor royalty visiting from a foreign country, another state alchemist (Kimblee), his own military.
Cheloneuniverse 