drusillathekiller:

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

totalabsenceofhope

Absolutely. It has been argued that Xander, Willow, et al treated Anya so poorly because she’s, well, a mass murderer, and such an argument is certainly not without merit. But if Xander could get past the crimes she committed enough to marry her (or nearly marry her), then surely he should have been able to treat her with a modicum of compassion and respect too? Similarly, even if we were to go with the “Xander treated Anya so condescendingly because she was evil” theory, then that still doesn’t explain the glaring differences in how he regards Willow’s, Angel’s, Faith’s, and Spike’s past sins as opposed to Anya’s…Or the glaring differences in how the show regards all five character’s crimes, period. But that’s a whole other barrel of fish. 

I digress, Anya totally deserved better than Xander. As did Cordelia. And Buffy. And Willow. It’s rather astounding how he treated them all a lot of the time. Even when Anya died he was cracking jokes about how “stupid” she was. She couldn’t even escape the humiliation and degradation from beyond the grave. Even when her best friend was murdered right in front of her eyes and Anya was left in crisis, Xander still felt it a good opportunity to tell her to not be such a “dope”.

Moreover, in season seven Anya has an episode reflecting on her character called “Selfless”. And I find it amazing how the episode title encapsulates her entire relationship with Xander in one word.

See, “selfless” can mean unselfish, sacrificial, and giving, like Anya was for her fiance. However, the word also implies a lack of self, as ‘less’ as a suffix to a word oft means ‘none’ (for example, hopeless = lack of hope, loveless= lack of love, selfless= lack of self).  

So in one word the writers summed up Anya; because she was busy giving and giving and giving to Xander, so dedicated to his needs and never her own, she sacrificed her sense of self, her identity. She radically changed who she was for his sake, and abandoned her values in doing so. 

So yeah; Anya deserved much, much better. 

xoxox