Ask Ethan #87: The Shape Of The Universe
“It is my understanding that the universe is saddle-shaped. My question is, at the time of the big bang, why didn’t everything expand in all directions equally, causing a spherical shaped universe?”
Sorry, Simpsons fans, Homer’s theory of a donut-shaped Universe might be intriguing to Stephen Hawking, but it’s time to listen to what the evidence says! Find out how the Universe is shaped on this week’s Ask Ethan.
Cinderella “plot holes” I am tired of hearing about
- “Why didn’t her step family recognize her?” Because royal balls were basically the candle lit equivalent of clubbing in terms of both lighting and sheer numbers. Even if they were right next to her, they probably wouldn’t get a good look, especially since it would have started after sundown. Also, she was the help; they probably hadn’t looked at her in years.
- “Looking for someone based on their shoe size is stupid!” See above.
- “Was he going to have every size seven in the kingdom try the slipper on?” Prior to industrialization most garments were made by hand to fit the buyer’s measurements, including shoes. It’s why poor people only had one pair. It’s a lot smarter when you consider that they would’ve fit her like a glove.
- “You can’t run down stairs in heels!” I know this is a misconception resulting from historical revisionism and disneyfication, but high heels were not originally women’s shoes. They were worn by men. Women wore slippers, which were basically ballet flats. So it’s debatable.
- “Glass shoes don’t make any sense!” Okay first of all, it’s called the suspension of disbelief, and secondly, they’re gold in every other version but Perrault decided to change them to something else expensive.
- “She just went to the ball to find a man!” I know this isn’t a plot hole but listen. As the daughter of a widower Cinderella would’ve been running the household finances and acting as hostess if he hadn’t remarried. By demoting Cinderella to a servant, her step-mother essentially guaranteed that she would never escape the house, because the only way for her to escape and maintain her status was to marry well, and no one was going to marry a servant. It was essentially the historical equivalent of your mom stealing your college acceptance letters out of the mailbox.
this was not an analysis i was prepared for, i’ll tell you that
As an addition to 6, she didn’t originally go to the ball to find a man, she went to the ball to have a good time. It was just pure chance and dumb luck she danced with the Prince who decided that she was the one.
Okay, but why did the prince need to do the shoe thing? Couldn’t he have just looked at her face? And why did everything else change back to normal except the shoe?
idk how to tell ya’ this man, but it’s probably because it’s a fantasy
Boring old werewolf instincts:
Sexual jealousy
Constant aggression
Rigid hierarchy
Must win sports
Homophobia And Sexism Is Normal™
Eat people
Cool new werewolf instincts:
There is no five second rule
Corvids are friends
Hang out as a pack
Karaoke
Gotta pee
Also consider:
Separation anxiety
Unconditional love and loyalty
Being able to sleep in almost any situation or position
Irresistible urge to chase squirrels and rabbits
Hating the vacuum cleaner
Wanting to do everything with friends
Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door
Long, shouted conversations to other werewolves across the neighborhood (bonus points at 2am)
Taking advantage of any and all free food
Werewolf-vampire solidarity
Fighting any animal that trespasses into the backyard
Boundless energy
Too much energy
Eating out of the trash if it smells tasty
Being bad at sports because you don’t want to let anyone else take the ball from you. Then destroying the ball in front of everyone because you want to make a point
Trying to fight things 10x your size like a fucking idiot
Being unable to hold a grudge for more than a few hours
Trying to make people feel bad for you over mundane things that aren’t actually that bad. And somehow succeeding.
Snoring
Needing to try a bit of your friends’ food, even if you’ve tried it 5645674 times before and have never once liked it
Getting way too friendly with random strangers
Being in a love-hate relationship with water
Digging. For no reason.
Thinking you’re a badass despite being a hyperactive ball of emotions and hedonism
Loud sobbing while pressing yourself up against the sliding glass door at your friends who locked you out because they were tired of your bullshit and wanted some goddamn peace and quiet
Okay this one is a gem:
“
Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door“
So most of these are very dog oriented, which makes sense to me, since dogs are just wolves that have co-evolved with us for thousands and thousands of years BUT I wanted to add a few that are wild wolf based:
- Multigenerational households!
- Kids get really excited when someone comes home with groceries
- “I can HELP put away the food!” “Oh, and have you whisk away the ice cream like last week? I’m fine, dear.”
- Love to travel and follow food trends
- Mostly very social and must have roommates/family/significant other/kids/friends around
- However, not uncommon to travel alone for periods of time, especially after leaving home
- Big friendly communal meals with lots of ritual around who gets served in what order
- “Let grandma take her pick of the turkey first. It’s respectful, and she won’t take kindly to you cutting the line.”
- Full pantries, stocking up on basics, the kind of people who always have extra oatmeal, or batteries, or a jump cable
- Can hold conversations using body language and eye contact without saying a word
- Cuddlers, especially with the social group
- Yelling to get everyone to gather, and phone chains for anyone who lives further away
- Lots of singing, the pack has a bunch of favorite songs that everyone knows by heart, and some may be song writers
- “Can you smell this? Does this smell weird? Does this smell good?”
- Lots of candles and incense with unusual scents
- Passing houses and farms and land down through generations
- Love home renovation
- Communal child care and sometimes communal nursing
- Kids are all really into wrestling and being outside
- When someone is ready to leave the household, the younger they leave the further they tend to travel. Someone who leaves at 18 might go to another country, but someone who leaves at 26 might just move a town away.
- Whether someone moves far or close to home, it’s not unusual to move back in at home a few times before settling down
- “You know the futon is always open for you. Your cousins are in your old bedroom, but you’re always welcome!”
- Kinda grumpy about neighbors pushing property boundaries
- “Why do they have to let the damn mulberry tree hang over OUR driveway?”
- Good endurance runners
- Late walks at night, naps in the middle of the day
- Really playful, especially with kids
- Lots of rough housing and board game nights!
I’ve been looking for the one with the wolf-aspects added for a while and I found it again! Reblogging for A+ extra wolfy content!
One of the best mom moments in TV history. I wish more parents knew how important it is to validate their children’s feelings.
What this is so beautiful
Marge tried real fucking hard sometimes.
Marge tried real fucking hard all the time
Even Homer had quite a few moments and they usually depicted him as a bad parent.
Tell me a story about wolves;
I know how they go, all of them,
wolf dies, wolf is cut open,
wolf is bone and wolf is blood
and wolf is villain, always villain,
and wolf is starving.I am starving.
No. No. Wolf is starving.
Tell me this:
the wolf always loses.
There is never a story
where the wolf wins.
Tell me this.
Tell me over and over again, so I stop
eyeing your throat,
so I can twine my fingers together
instead of reaching for yours, I am hungry,
help me, I am hungry,
chain me, I am hungry.
I know how the story goes:
wolf is chained, wolf wears lamb-skin,
wolf is threat and wolf is dead—
if wolf is no threat, wolf lives on,
starving.Tell me this.
Say:
Darling girl, put your lambskin on,
rear up on your hind legs.
Teach yourself to have a human tongue.
Forget the woods. Forget the taste
of blood on your tongue, oh!
Your bones are the spires of Stockholm
and it’s a lovely city to die in.
Close your windows, girl,
and forget the way the moon sounds,
like a metaphor, like the death of metaphors.
Be human. It’s easier.
Once upon a time there was a girl, and a wolf,
and only the girl lived.
Whatever other story there might be is lost.Lost.
Lost.
Lost.
We know Lilith ate
the bones of her enemies. We know
a bitch learns to love her own ghost.— Erika L. Sánchez, from “All of Us,” published in Poem-a-Day
Stuff me full of clouds.
There’s been enough suffering for a year
for a lifetime.
We’ve all seen what bodies can do
and it isn’t pretty
but it could be.
We can speak in tongues
and fingers
and spaces.
We can learn to listen.
what can you do with a brainwashing quirk other than evil deeds
Lots:
- Conduct interviews among witnesses that get straight to the point without any personal problems among the witnesses.
- Hostage Negotiations
- Criminal interrogations
- Talking someone down from a risky situation
- Making criminals open up hand-scan/eye-scan locks and other stuff
Just because a character looks evil, and just because their power seems like it can only be used for evil, doesn’t mean they’re actually evil and that their powers can’t be used for good.
Is it traditionally heroic? No. But in the right, responsible hands, it’s a very powerful tool for situations that call for non-violent confrontations.
Cheloneuniverse 