little-jar-of-dragons:

Somewhere in space in the hospital wing of a ship.

Alien – “Human Steve! I have excellent news! We found your severed upper appendage in good enough condition that we think it can be reattached – “

Human – “What?”

Alien – “Uh … Your arm? We found it and instead of the mechanical prosthetic we think – “

Human – “Wait, that friggin mutant snake thing didn’t eat it?”

Alien – “Oh, no, no, no! It would seem that it did not like the taste as humans are not a part of it’s natural or native diet, as you can imagine. For that matter the ‘snake thing’ was a fairly standard specimen for this planet – “

Human – “You mean to tell me that fucker ripped my arm off and didn’t even have the decency to eat it! Just dumped it somewhere to waste? Offended. I am. Offended.

Human’s equally human friend standing next to him staring at a tablet – “Rude. Just rude.”

Alien – “…”

Alien – “…”

Alien – “So … do you want the arm reattached or not.”

I was watching a shark attack documentary the other day, in which said shark took off a man’s arm and later the arm washed up on the beach. All the man had to say about it was, “Took my arm the least the shark could have done was get a meal out of it instead of letting it go to waste.”