professorsparklepants:

A list of real quotes that Agatha Heterodyne, erstwhile Lady of Mechanicsburg and owner of Europe’s Most Haunted Castle, has posted on twitter

• [when asked about a rumored Heterodyne Boys biopic] I want Sebastian Stan to play my dad!
• Bram Stoker owes me royalties
• I just want to go one week without discovering some long-lost late medieval artefact under a couch. Is this so much to ask.
• Victor Frankenstein was a punk bitch
• I was just asked if I wanted demonic imagery on my stationary. My life is very strange.
• What’s the point of living in a haunted castle town if I can’t put pumpkins in the decorating budget. All my employees are fired.
• Bird feeders are OUT. Fruit bats are IN.
• God I’m so glad my aristocratic family was already famous for being eccentric and I’m still allowed to swear on social media
• When they make a Disney channel original movie based on my life I hope they don’t hire someone skinny. Blugh
• “I visited a snail farm today” is not a sentence I would have said five years ago but here we are
• Shout-out this mother’s day to everyone ELSE who hates their evil mom