sloaners:

Jiraiya squinted at the cauldron, now turquoise and emitting a shrill hiss. “It’s close enough, right?”

“…Not quite.” Snape looked like it physically pained him to not say something more publicly scathing to a Slytherin. Or not to strangle Jiraiya outright with his bare hands.

Harry glanced back at Orochimaru, who blinked once, long and slow, at the spectacle, and then returned to his own cauldron as if he couldn’t hear the growing noise, now resembling a train whistle.

They had another hour to go.

Snape was so distracted keeping the students from dying at the hands of Jiraiya’s potion-making, that even Neville did a decent job.

—

After class, Orochimaru and Jiraiya tracked down Tsunade in the library. She laid her book down and asked, “How was it?”

Orochimaru side-eyed Jiraiya as he said, “Potions was… as expected.”

“Ahh,” Tsunade caught his look. She leaned forward to stare down Jiraiya, “so you were the source of all that smoke and shrieking coming from the dungeon?”

“Oh, not just that,” said Orochimaru, “I do wish you were there for the sentient acid cloud that attacked the professor, and then Jiraiya’s—”

“ANYWAY,” Jiraiya interrupted, “how was that defense class, Hime?”

Tsunade huffed. “Terrible. The professor’s a self-absorbed moron,” she said, then added, “and probably a pervert.”

Orochimaru nodded. “I would not disagree with that assessment. That floppy haired idiot’s probably more of a pervert than you, Jiraiya.”

“WHAT? No one’s more of a pervert than me!”

Tsunade looked pained. “Oro, please don’t goad him.”

Orochimaru smiled thinly. “I have to make my own fun somehow, Tsunade.”

—

Later, at dinner, Jiraiya sat down next to his teammates and said without preamble, “Lockhart’s a genius.”

Orochimaru stared. “What.”

Jiraiya held up his hands, placating. “Yeah, no, he mostly sucks at everything. But his writing! He just makes up shit and people lap it up! It gives me an idea, you know…”

Tsunade put her head in her hands. “Oh god—”

“I’ll write my own book about a cool adventure! I could call it, like, The Tale of the Super Wicked Awesome Shinobi.”

“…”

“…”

“It’s a working title, okay?!”