Hmm, I don’t know? What are people’s theories? Just on a hunch I would say that people don’t want to ship Buffy with a “normal guy”? It’s never really been a popular ship. I don’t ship but I’m willing to try if someone wants to try and convert me!
The prominent (and in my humble opinion rather reasonable) justification for not shipping Buffy and Xander is that he doesn’t always treat his lovers- and indeed his female friends- very respectfully. He belittles and publicly humiliates Anya constantly in her attempts to understand human culture and tradition, rather than being sympathetic as to how hard it must be to be shoved into a society you’ve been apart from for a 1000 years. He cheats on Cordelia and when she doesn’t accept his apology instantly he takes to relentlessly taunting her instead, not understanding that she has the right to forgive him in her own time, or not at all if she so chooses. He takes advantage of Willow’s crush on him and uses her as a “backup plan” when Buffy rejects him, instead of telling her that he isn’t interested so she can move on as she deserves. And when Buffy politely declines his offer to date him, he does not react with the same politeness in kind. To put it delicately. As such, I find it understandable why people think shipping him with Buffy undermines the themes of female empowerment in the show.
What I find interesting is that I rarely see the same arguments against shipping Angel with Buffy. Surely that isn’t the dictionary definition of a respectful, equal, or even lawful relationship either? Angel stalks Buffy, constantly makes decisions for her without her knowledge or consent, tells her she isn’t allowed in “his city” as though he owns LA, talks down to her, and under Californian law is guilty of statutory rape. The huge age gap between them also perpetuates a very unequal power balance, something Angel himself points out in Some Assembly Required. Yet Angel and Buffy is beloved among the fandom and iconic among pop culture.
As for Spike and Buffy, well, we know what happened there. Even the most avid supporters of the ship own up to it being very mutually abusive and unhealthy, at least in season 6. Need I even mention the events of Seeing Red? And Spike/Buffy is likewise very popular.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to enjoy any of the above ships (there are plenty of lovely people who ship all three), and I’m not hating on any of them, and I’m not saying that Angel or Spike’s treatment of Buffy retroactively justifies Xander’s. But I do think it’s interesting that Buffy/Xander is perhaps deservedly condemned for its sexist implications, but less commonly Angel/Buffy. And although Spike/Buffy does get a lot of criticism for the way it was handled, it still prevails as one of the most popular ships in spite of this.
I’m not going to get into a debate about which unhealthy facet of Buffy’s relationships is worse, because I don’t want to trivialize anyone’s experiences, and if I were to play Top Trumps with how Buffy was mistreated that misses the point completely. The point is that Buffy doesn’t deserve to be manipulated or abused at all. No one deserves to be. No ifs or buts about it.
Why isn’t the Buffy/Xander pairing more popular?
Published
Cheloneuniverse 