lizawithazed:

itsbenedict:

So, sir, I’m just not sure about these claims that mountains don’t exist. I mean- now, I’ve seen them, but I’ll grant you that the highway patrol could be using some kind of strange optical illusion. I hardly know what it’d be, heat lensing or mirrors or glass or swamp gas or the like (swamp gas is really versatile!)- but let’s grant that’s possible.

Except the fact remains that I’ve climbed a mountain, or part of one, a little one, I’m no mountaineer, but it definitely counted. And that seems harder to fake. Setting aside stuff like memory modification, to fake the existence of a mountain to someone who’s climbing it and having difficulty scaling its steep slopes- that seems like the kind of operation people would notice. Like, what, maybe mountains are just very large tarps, and when people “climb” them, people underground are raising poles underneath those tarps to create temporary slopes to fool my sense of balance? 

But- that’s a big endeavor. You probably need a lot of people and resources to pull it off. I’m a twenty-something, which means I’ve spent lots of time staring at job postings, and I’ve never seen a job posting for “Secret Underground Pole-Operated Mountain Faker”, even though if I saw that posting you know I’d take it in a heartbeat because that sounds like the coolest job in the world, but…

…what was I saying, again? Whatever.

I can’t tell if this is biting satirical commentary I’m not getting or just a highly advanced shitpost but either way I’m in awe