therobotmonster:

mrdaxxonford:

oxymitch:

Spider-Man (Peter Parker) has to deal with the awkwardness of teaching the class of Avengers Academy students as a substitute teacher. 

– Amazing Spider-Man v1 #661, 2011

Remember kids, spider-man is awesome. But peter parker is an idiot.
Thats why i was so disappointed that the superior spider-man ended.

“Kids. Listen, you make good points, but let me put it this way. I’ve seen some shit. When one of my enemies found out who I was, he dropped my girlfriend off a bridge. By the way, lesson 3, once someone’s free-falling suddenly catching them makes for a loud snap if you can’t slow them down before stopping them.

That Avengers protection? Yeah, good luck with that when the Red Skull is in charge of the program. He was calling himself Dell Rusk. Can you believe that? The Red Skull got a high ranking position in the US government using an anagram alias. Also, you won’t remember this because the timeline was rewritten, but I’ve seen how good Avengers protection is when it comes to loved ones. Lesson four, steer clear of Mephisto, just in general.

Whole celebrity superhero thing, maybe reconsider that. Didn’t work out great for the New Warriors, even though like, that didn’t make any sense. I mean, Nitro was the dude to killed Captain Marvel. No, not her, the first one. He got cancer from saving people from nerve gas. Everyone cried. Especially me. Anyhow, why did everyone blame Speedball-et-all when a drugged up superhuman terrorist who killed one of our most beloved heroes (how do you kids not know who he is?) did the actual damage? Where was I…

The government! Fun fact. You know, I’ve talked to Reed Richards, and in most universes, Richard Nixon was impeached for something called the Watergate scandal, something about wiretapping and political adversaries, and not for donning the serpent crown and trying to usher in a nightmare apocalypse under the rule of Set, the demon-god of serpents.

And that leads us to lesson I’ve-lost-track, most of your heroes that are in their 30s and 40s have lived through massive trauma, and are aware of at least two person-replacing shape-shifting alien races (the better of the two doesn’t shove an acid-barbed tongue into your brain to consume your very being, by the way) so maybe nod along when the oldies go ranting about secret identities.

Oh yeah, and be skeptical of too-good-to-be-true outfits that come out of alien machines.”